On behalf of tired Americans across the country, I am begging you, please do not wear a mask of Donald Trump's face as a Halloween costume this year. You know the ones.
With all the seemingly endless, unhinged madness that's taken place over the past two years, it makes sense why you'd want to wear to political costume. But we promise you can do better.
Aside from being truly creepy, Donald Trump masks are too easy. They're cop outs. So to help you step up your Halloween game we've compiled a list of creative, politically relevant ensembles for you to choose from — none of which are the president!
SEE ALSO:10 meme Halloween costumes for people who spend too much time onlineFrom Trump's favorite foods, to noteworthy White House personas, popular political memes, and more, here are 15 Halloween costumes to inspire you this year.
1. Lawn boy
Donald Trump watches Frank Giaccio, 11, mow the White House lawn.Credit: MIKE THEILER/AFP/Getty ImagesAh, lawn boy, one of the most consistently satisfying memes to come out of Trump's time in office.
The iconic photo of Trump yelling at a child while he mows the White House lawn was captured in Sept. 2017 after 11-year-old Frank 'FX' Giaccio wrote a letter to Trump and offered to mow the lawn of the Rose Garden. The moment was instantly transformed into a Trump Screaming Meme, which resurfaces any time a big piece of political news drops and always delivers.
To channel your inner lawn boy this Halloween you'll need a red short-sleeve polo, khaki shorts, black shoes, some protective goggles, gloves, and of course, a lawn mower.
2. Pee tape
Another creative costume option in Trump's America is the mysterious and highly sought after "pee tape."
For those of you unfamiliar with this political reference to bodily fluids, the term "pee tape" relates to a 35-page document published by BuzzFeedthat claimed Trump paid a group of sex workers to perform "golden showers" (urinating) in front of him in his hotel room.
It's since been suggested that Trump's rumored night in the hotel was captured on video tape, but no one knows if the tape really exists or what it would look like. You know what that means? Costume options.
Should you choose to dress as a pee tape, there are several homemade avenues you could take. You can go the classic route and create a costume that resembles a VHS tape.
VHS pee tape.Credit: Mashable composite: Getty Images/iStockphotoOr do a fun play on caution tape.
Caution tape with the word "pee" displayed.Credit: mashable composite: Getty Images/Tetra images RFAnd of course there's always a Scotch Tape dispenser costume with a slight "pee" adjustment. So many possibilities.
Scotch tape dispenser with the word "pee" photoshopped on.Credit: mashable composite: Matt Rourke/AP/REX/ShutterstockIf you'd like to learn more about the pee tape before committing to the costume, we invite you to check out our very thorough explainer. Also, we're sorry.
3. Fake news
Fake news is a term near and dear to President Trump's heart — one which he uses regularly to describe the media and even claims he coined himself.
A variety of Fake News t-shirts, dresses, jackets, and more are already available on Amazon, but if you're in the mood to make you're owncostume you can always use Donald Trump Jr.'s personal wardrobe for inspiration. 😑
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4. A pickle
This pickle costume takes a bit of explaining, but it's political. We promise.
After a particularly controversial news week in August 2017, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders decided to distract angry Americans mid-press conference by reading letters to Trump from kids around the country.
One of these letters was from a 9-year-old named Dylan who claimed he loved the president so much he had a Trump-themed birthday party. Dylan also said his nickname was "Pickle," which led to a whole bunch of memes and many people questioning the letter's authenticity. Turns out Pickle was real and that's how we arrived here.
Pickle Halloween costumeCredit: spirit halloween5. Pete Souza
Pete Souza, former White House photographer for President Obama dedicated to throwing shade at Trump on Instagram, is also a perfect last-minute political costume.
Just strap a camera around your neck and you're basically good to go. Maybe add a suit and tie to give off an important "I'm with the president" vibe, and if you really want to sell it you can carry around a copy of his bookObama: An Intimate Portrait, or wear some patriotic shutter shades as a nod to his upcoming book cover.
White House Chief Photographer Pete Souza takes photos of Barack Obama.Credit: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images6. Super chill Beto O'Rourke
Beto O'Rourke has brought some much needed coolness to Texas politics, and for that we shall thank him by including him in this list.
As you've probably learned from the GOP's failed attempt to smear his reputation, Beto was once in a punk band, enjoys skateboarding, and lives to order food from Whataburger. (Excellent taste, dude!) So grab a skateboard, a bass guitar, and invest in a Whataburger t-shirt, and BOOM. You're Beto!
7. Edgy Ted Cruz
Unfortunately, where there's a cool, laid back Beto, there's also an edgy Ted Cruz with zero chill. So if you're in the mood to be ~the worst~ this Halloween, consider dressing up as Beto's political opponent. But don't just wear any Ted Cruz costume, transform yourself into the "bad boy" tattoo-covered Cruz from conservative artist Sabo.
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8. Toad (sorry)
As much as it pains me to bring up the cursed moment in history when Stormy Daniels described Donald Trump's "unusual" penis, for the sake of Halloween 2018, I must.
In September, The Guardianpublished a peek at Daniels'tell-all Full Disclosure, in which she said Trump's penis has "a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…" She went on to describe Trump as having "Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart." And that, friends, is how Toad was unwillingly dragged into this year's political narrative.
This Halloween, you can dress in a full Toad costume or just a mask to really give some nightmares.
Adult Toad costume.Credit: amazon9. *Two scoops* of ice cream
Welcome to the food and drink portion of this list, where we explore three of Donald Trump's most quirky and particular culinary preferences. First up, ice cream! But not just any ice cream... two scoops of ice cream.
It was once reported that three journalists dining with Trump received a slice of chocolate pie with a single scoop of vanilla ice cream, but Trump, a spoiled big boy got two. So if you choose this costume, you must be pretty important.
Woman in ice cream costume with two scoops.Credit: amazon10. 12 cans of Diet Coke
If you're looking for costumes for an overwhelmingly large group of people, might we suggest gathering a dozen of your closest friends and dressing up as 12 cans of Diet Coke — the number of cans Trump reportedly drinks. eBay has a pretty extensive selection of Diet Coke can apparel — from dresses to larger 3D cylindrical costumes — and you can always bust out some DIY action to save money.
Donald Trump's favorite drink! A great group costume.Credit: AP/REX/Shutterstock13. Steak & ketchup
Looking for a romantic couple costume in Trump's America? According to the president nothing goes better together than steak and ketchup. But please, make sure the steak costume is well-done.
Steak + Ketchup = <3Credit: mashable composite: target and walmart14. Skeleton in MAGA hat
If you want to send some love Trump's way but aren't in the mood to show your face, let these morph suit-wearing White House trick-or-treaters inspire you. Truly what could be more terrifying than a skeleton in a MAGA hat?
A child visits President Donald Trump and first lady Melania hosting Halloween at the White House.Credit: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images15. The "This is Fine" meme
Artist KC Green's comic featuring a dog in a cute lil hat surrounded by flames has essentially become a national distress symbol in 2018. So why not dress as it? Conjure up a puppy costume, grab a mug, a hat, and maybe some makeshift flames and get ready to spend the day religiously reciting, "This is Fine."
Via GiphyIf all else fails and you're strapped for time and resources, you can always play it simple by throwing a sheet over your head, fashioning a name tag, and saying you're the ghost of one of the many people who no longer work at the White House.
Good luck out there, people.
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