Thanksgiving is a time for the whole family to gather around the table and enjoy a delicious feast. But for most families, it's not always fun and heartwarming, but rather a melting pot for questions you don't want to answer and opinions from old people you never wanted to hear.
SEE ALSO:11 seasonal candle scents you really, really need to try this fallSo here are some of the worst questions you'll hear this Thanksgiving, and some ways that you can try to redirect the conversation to something harmless.
"Explain your job again? It’s just temporary right?"
When this dreaded career question arises, a good diversion would be to yell, "This stuffing is really good, has anyone tried it yet?" If they ask you again, just continue repeating your question until they drop it and find that stuffing isreally good.
"So are you still single?"
For this question, just lie.
Here's an example boyfriend you can use: "No, my boyfriend's name is Kevin and we've been dating for 11 months. He is very tall and he has a college degree and I wish I could show you a picture but my phone is dead and I'm making no moves toward charging it, in fact I'm going dark for the next week while I am home to experience some peace and quiet, even from Kevin who is my boyfriend who I love. Kevin is my boyfriend and we are dating."
If they respond by asking, "But I saw you 11 months ago and I didn't hear about Kevin then," just say, "Yes, that time I lied."
"I don’t think the NFL players should kneel. They’re whiny millionaires complaining. What do you think?"
If this question comes up, you can say that the NFL reminds you of the time you played flag football in middle school and all the kids remarked on how fast you were.
Ask the table, "Have you ever played flag football?" If not everyone immediately says yes, take 15 minutes to explain the game of flag football. Then change the conversation to how those tassels you have to put on your jeans when you get "tackled" remind you of the tassels on your grandad's shoes and oh look, Toby is chewing on them, won't someone go stop him?
"How are things going in New York?"
Easy. Just say, "I hear Hamilton's good."
"Did you know you can wear your pajamas 24/7 in the winter and just have them under your work clothes so you stay warm? Then when you take them off at home you’re already in them. It’s like a second skin but you’re never naked, never vulnerable. Always warm. Isn’t it the perfect next step in human evolution? Isn’t it wonderful?"
My great aunt has only asked me this once but you should always be prepared. If this question comes up just bring up a good Black Friday deal.
"Don’t forget when you get to the Amazon River to stash the suitcase under the riverbed in case the cops go looking, okay? The coordinates are -2.163106, 55.126648."
This one might just be my family. Ignore this.
"Do you think Roy Moore did it? I mean WHY would someone wait decades to say it now?"
Just pretend you didn't hear this one.
With these tricks up your sleeve you're on your way to having a pleasant Thanksgiving experience. Unless your uncle mentions his gun collection. Then it's all over.
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
TopicsGun ControlPolitics
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