休閑

【】

字号+作者:囫圇吞棗網来源:時尚2024-10-23 06:17:14我要评论(0)

Christian numerologist David Meade's theory that the world will end on Sept. 23, due to what he sees

Christian numerologist David Meade's theory that the world will end on Sept. 23, due to what he sees as biblical signs, has thus far been met with dull shrugs from the world's citizens.

Here to comment is God.

Well, it's official: I'm God and I am a frigging huge moron! I completely forgot that I was supposed to end the world today.

Today is Sept. 23, 2017 and that guy who said the world was supposed to end today was totally correct. But jeez louise, I freakin' completely blanked on it.

Boy oh boy, do I feel like a friggin' DOOF or what?

SEE ALSO:5 tragedies throughout history that Obama really should've handled better

Here I am with nothing really going on, it’s the middle of the afternoon and I realize, "Oh SHIT -- I was supposed to end the WORLD!"

Honestly how I forgot this is BEYOND me.

Mashable Top StoriesStay connected with the hottest stories of the day and the latest entertainment news.Sign up for Mashable's Top Stories newsletterBy signing up you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.Thanks for signing up!

I saw the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse riding out this morning and opening the first four of the seven seals and I was just like "What are these goofballs up to?" I didn’t think anything of it really. Then, like wayyylater, it hit me: AH! THAT’S MY CUE TO END THE WORLD.

Ugh. I completely forgot. I was supposed to flood earth with fire, disease, and evil the likes humanity has never seen and it just went right over my head. Gahhh, this is so embarrassing.

Mashable ImageThis pic has been on my vision board for literally one thousand years and I cannot believe that I pooched this so bad.Credit: Shutterstock / iurii

I set up the whole thing! The eclipse, the alignment of several planets and constellations, the forming of a secret hidden planet called Nibiru -- all of it. To be honest I don't even remember what I told those guys, but I just saw in my cal that it was supposed to be TODAY!

Ugh, I just totally pooched it. Again!

Ugh, I just totally pooched it.

My boss is gonna have my ass for this. I was supposed to end the world so many times by now and I just keep fucking it up. What’s my excuse this time? Come on, God, get it together dude. Stupid stupid stupid!

I just tried to login into my apocalypse machine and, Jesus Christ, wouldn’t you know it, I forgot the password. This is just perfect. I’ve tried all my passwords and NOTHING. “12345678” “tacos” “tacos1” “Tacos1” “Tacos1!” “godiscool” everything. What the hell is it? Oh well. Too late anyway, gonna have to hold off a few years.

Damn it.

Alright, it's gonna be 2020. That’s when the world is ending. I’ll just like make all the volcanoes go off at once or something. I don't know. I'll figure something out. 2020! I’ll set an alarm right now.

Ugh. Sorry everyone.

Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.

1.本站遵循行业规范,任何转载的稿件都会明确标注作者和来源;2.本站的原创文章,请转载时务必注明文章作者和来源,不尊重原创的行为我们将追究责任;3.作者投稿可能会经我们编辑修改或补充。

相关文章
  • 5 people Tim Cook calls for advice on running the biggest company in the world

    5 people Tim Cook calls for advice on running the biggest company in the world

    2024-10-23 06:00

  • Elon Musk reveals new details about the 'Boring Company'

    Elon Musk reveals new details about the 'Boring Company'

    2024-10-23 05:25

  • Sprint unveils new unlimited plan to compete with Verizon and T

    Sprint unveils new unlimited plan to compete with Verizon and T

    2024-10-23 05:07

  • This audio feedback vest makes music hum and VR come alive

    This audio feedback vest makes music hum and VR come alive

    2024-10-23 04:01

网友点评