Hi, I’m Petyr Baelish from HBO’s Game of Thronesand if you’re kind of confused about me, don’t worry about it. I’m weird as shit, and that’s my thing.
You probably do not like me. And you have every reason not to! One of the very first things I ever did on the show was betray Ned Stark. Also I go by Littlefinger. And we don't even need to get into why that's weird.
SEE ALSO:I'm Ed Sheeran and you can all go to hellI love to sneer and lurk in the shadows in every scene I am in. This is just how I am. It's deeply off-putting, I know.
When people are walking alone in dark hallways I like to approach them from behind and say some cryptic thing in my bad accent like, “You know, it’s freedom, not power, that tempts the wicked” or some other really weird shit like that, which almost means one thing and not quite another.
Don’t concern yourself with why I’m doing this, I’m just weird as all hell.
Frequently, the weird things I choose to say and do get me in a lot of trouble. Like so:
Credit: hboand
Credit: hboBut hey, that's just the consequence of being as weird as I constantly am, so whatever!
Last episode I told Sansa, "Fight every battle everywhere, always in your mind. Everyone is your enemy, everyone is your friend." That was confusing, huh? The truth of the matter is that I'm incredibly unusual in a very bad way. And that's all there is to it!
You’re gonna try to analyze and figure out why I am saying and doing all these strange things, but the simplest, and truest explanation is that I’m hugely weird as fuck. So don’t worry about it!
The truth of the matter is that I'm incredibly unusual in a very bad way. And that's all there is to it!
Also, don’t stress out about my role in Sansa’s rule of the North, seriously- don’t sweat it! I’m a weird-ass man, and that’s just how it is.
In the wars to come, everyone has a role to play. Some will be leaders, others will carry out orders, and many more will serve and die on the battlefield. As for me? I'm gonna be here in the shadows, wearing a cape, and whispering something like "it's nearly time now" to nobody in particular. Strange, I know, but we all have our roles, and being weird as hell is mine.
Good lord I am astonishingly unpleasant, without fail.
Sansa’s in charge of Winterfell right now, and it looks like both Bran and Arya are here, too. So what does that mean for me? Nothing. Nothing is going to change from my end. I’m gonna just continue to be weird as shit. And I will definitely die very soon. You can count on that.
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
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